Got pregnant? Why you should not settle with him just because you got pregnant.

 


This is coming from a personal experience. 

About four years ago i got pregnant while i thought i was having fun. I wasn't ready for a kid but i knew i would I'd afford one. What i wasn't ready for was pregnancy complications and a bonus baby. I knew i wouldn't afford two babies. I was also not ready to be told to stop working hard. With my job involving carrying around heavy items and organizing tedious events, i had to quit. That was mistake number one; cutting off my stream of income. 

Mistake number two followed soon; Moving into his house. My ancestors are the laziest if they weren't screaming 'Do not do it' in their graveyards. I was in a man's house, with no source of income, pregnant and i knew he was not in love with me. Needless to say, i cried through the 8 months and did housework to the last minute of 34 weeks when i was admitted to the hospital due to high blood pressure. He changed his mind last minute and went to the hospital with me. I recall that day i did not take any breakfast because i was up all night throwing up and he was not bothered enough to wake up and make breakfast. 

Flowers be given where they ought to be given; he did pay the hospital bill and stepped up looking out for me in the following about 3 weeks. I would love to give every tiny detail of what has happened in the last 3.5 years but i cannot. I'd just have allowed him to be a father and realized that being a husband was not what he wanted and neither was it his forte but i was selfish. I did want it all.  a person to love and hold, never to forget my birthday and the other tiny details that mattered to me.

Who do i blame though? I am willing to throw stones at him but deep inside me, I know that i got myself here. Abortion was an option but i did not take it up. Do not say that abortion is a sin as i had already fornicated and that rates as a higher sin in the Bible. The other option would have been to request for support while i was at my own place but did i do it? No, i just went ahead and imposed myself and my desires on him. This would have taken a totally different path if i had made better decisions. The accumulated resentment and the hope that he would not come back home especially after arguments, the tears and the hurt in words and actions. That feeling like you are in a corner and would love to leave. The void feeling that is accompanied by suicidal thoughts.

Who would i blame? I set my own expectations knowing very well i was up for disappointments. Every time that a girl thinks of settling down just because they are pregnant gives me goosebumps. Unless you are lucky af, single parenting is a walk in the pack as opposed to the shit that you are going to go through trying to force someone who was not ready to be a parent or a partner to be both. Take your little pretty ass to your parents' house and deliver there. Let him  step up because he wants to, not because he is forced to. 

Now, as i try to remind myself how paying bills feels like, I will also be needing therapy. To top it, i will have two kids who thought their dad should always come home and will have to adjust to being with momma all the time. I'd  love to write this to every girl that thinks he will step up just because you are pregnant, don't  push it. Take your time to focus on the baby and yourself. If he wants in, let him be the one to initiate it otherwise i will be seeing you in therapy soon. Do not let hope ruin your life. Dare not stab your own heart. The knife will keep being turned slowly until you can no longer take it.

Happy dating and enjoy safe sex and don't break your own heart.

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